Old Habits Die Hard

Old Habits Die Hard

Yes, it is probably one of the oldest cliches of all time, but also one of the truest and maybe even more so when talking about BAD habits.  My bad habit?  My bad habit is doing great through the week and then sabotaging my whole diet over the weekend.  I get up and get myself to the gym through the weekdays and I make myself eat right and I track all of my food and then comes the weekend (dun dun dun duuuun).  This weekend started out with a skating party with cookie cake, oh how I love cookie cake!  But I split mine with Eli so I did good and I was proud of myself. Then we went to eat Mexican and I promised myself that I wouldn't over do it, that I would count my chips out and that I would only have two fajitas and that's IT!  Well, the chip counting didn't go so well and I did only eat two fajitas but then I ate more chips with the yummy fajita stuff.  Afterwards I wanted to die!  I didn't feel good at all!  Which brings me to the question, why if I feel so bad do I still overeat? It's like I thought this was the last time for Mexican food EVER!  

Why do I sabotage my self?  I do really want to lose this weight, right?  Yes, of course I do, so what's my problem?  My problem is that I hate to disappoint ANYONE!  I am a "people pleaser" to the extreme.  I love spending time with my family and I hate to disappoint. So I go with the flow, knowing what I'm about to do to my diet.  In fact sometimes I am even the one who suggests going somewhere to eat.  I know that Josh loves (I mean LOVES) Mexican food, and I love him, so how do I show him I love him?  By going to a place he loves to eat!  I have come to realize that I'm almost never willing to let anyone down except myself! I will work until I'm blue in the face (yes, another cliche) to keep promises to people.  However, when it comes to my promise to myself to get healthy I just let that promise go!  Isn't that probably one of the most important promises I have made?  Isn't it not only a promise to myself but to my family, that I will be healthy so that I can be around for a long long time?  

My personal challenge to myself is to not only eat right this week but eat right through the weekend also!  This weekend will be a true test because we are having a Bible teacher's workday at church with lunch provided and then I have ANOTHER skating party to attend.   So make sure you check back next Monday to see how I do!

New Name, New Year, New Goals!

New Name, New Year, New Goals!

I had to change my blog name...why?  Because I'm not 30 and I'm not healthy!  That is, I'm not healthy YET!  I failed at getting healthy by 30, but that's in the past and the only way to get healthy is to move forward. I decided to bring my blog back because I have things that I want to say but Facebook just isn't the place for it.  So welcome to my new and improved blog!  I will be completely real, sometimes happy, sometimes not so happy.  I'm sure that I will add in some of my like that isn't directly related to weight loss too, hence the Real Mom part of my name.

The other day I was at Josh's gym (my gym is at Katty's Fitness) and I was getting ready to work out.  I looked in the mirror and I immediately hated myself!  I hated my whole body including the big zit on my forehead (hello puberty at 31 years old).  I wanted to quit before I even got on the floor. I fought the urge to cry and I fought the urge to leave.  I instead went out on the floor, found an elliptical machine, and worked out, VICTORY!  While working out I thought of how many women are probably just like me.  How many hate themselves.  How many are too ashamed to even go the gym.  How many feel lost in their own skin.  Maybe if someone who happens to feel like me, stumbles upon my little blog they will know that they aren't alone.  So just maybe while helping myself I will also help/inspire someone else.

Here are my goal for the rest of this month.

- Make it to the gym at least 4 times a week.

-Track my food (I use my fitness pal)

-Work on positive thinking.

And just in case you are wondering I weigh 220 lbs.  I did manage to keep off 15 lbs for a year, so yay for that!

Biggest loser expectations!

As many know I am probably one of the biggest "Biggest Loser" fans there is!  I mean I live for Tuesdays to come, and when they start getting on that scale I get as nervous for my favs as they do for themselves!  I love the show from beginning to end!  That being said I think that the show has warped our thinking and expectations of weight loss!  I want big numbers each week!  I want to not gain next week but instead have big numbers again!  If I don't get those numbers I feel as though I have failed and that will usually cause me to EAT!  It's a downward spiral!  I know that a lot of these people need to loose lots and lots of weight, but what ever happened to 2lbs being a great weight loss number for a week?  Most of us don't have the time to work out like these people do, but if your like me you don't see that, all you see is that huge number that they just lost!  It has created unreal and unsafe expectations for many of us!  So I'm here to tell myself it's okay if I only have a 2lb loss this week, and it's even ok if I stay the same next week! 

Tomorrow is a new, start a fresh beginning, a time to make the changes in my life that I need to make.  My mom hates the word resolution, she says that it is a set up for failure, so I will use the word goals!  I always have many goals for the new year.  For the past 5 years my main goal has been to get healthy, and this will be the last year for that goal.  When I write this post at this time next year it will be to stay healthy.


So goal 1- Get Healthy!  I have said that my main problem is the way I eat.  I exercise many times a week, but my weight isn't dropping.  It's my food addiction that is my main problem as of right now.  Much to my delight my gym is going to start hosting Weight Watchers on Sat. mornings!  I am extremely excited about this because I trust WW and the plan that they use.  After I had Scott I got down to a size 8 using WW and a at home fitness video.  So I have a personal reason to trust them!  And a bonus is that my gym offers child care, so no more worry as to who will watch them as I go to meetings!  I can just pack us up and go. After I'm done I can go get my work out on!


Goal 2-Think Positive!  This is such a down fall of mine.  I'm always criticizing myself!  I never feel good enough, never pretty enough, never a good enough mom or wife.  It's time that I start liking myself for who I am and to stop thinking so harshly about myself.  My children are going to learn how to criterion themselves if I don't stop.  So this year I will watch my words more carefully and try to retrain my thoughts.  And if I don't like something about myself then I will recognize it and try to change it instead of beating myself up on a daily basis.


Goal 3- Eat Cleaner!  This year I want to try a few new things with our diets.  Most of you know that my oldest has ADHD and all signs point to that my other two may have it also.  Our diet is one thing that I have absolute control over so this year I want to make fresher meals and snacks for all of us.  I want to have a garden and shop more at the farmers markets!  I want to try and incorporate more veggies into our diets then what we currently have!  This will be a huge challenge with Scott Cochran living in my house!  I want them to grow up knowing how to eat right.  Treats like cake and ice cream are fine but that's what they are "treats", not everyday snacks!  


Those are my three basic goals for this year...at least the beginning of the year as I am sure that I will add more as I go through the year!  I do have a time line of when I to achieve a few things, so if you're not too bored yet look below!


Feb 1st-be below 200, I'm currently at 214
March 1st-190 and start working towards my Personal Trainers Cert.
May 1st- 175 and schedule for our family to have professorial pictures taken
Aug 1-155 here is where I will reevaluate and decide if this is where I want to stay or loose down to 145.  If I  loose to 145 then I will reevaluate at that point again.  My goal is healthy and fit NOT bones and skin!
FYI- from now till Aug is 30 weeks, that puts me at 1.9lbs per week to get to my goal by then!


So there you have it!  I'm looking forward not backwards!  I hope that you all have a great new years!

I thought I would give an update since my 30th birthday is just 2 days away!  As in my last post I would love to say that I reached my goal this year, but I haven't.  I'm still down 20lbs from where I started so that it is a plus that at 30 I will have 20 less lbs to loose then at 29.  I have learned a lot through this past year and I'm still trying to figure out some things about my body and the way I personally loose weight.  At my weight I should be able to eat about 1700 calories a day and loose weight, however I seem to only be able to eat 1200 calories to loose weight.  I'm not sure the reason for this, maybe it's just the way my body works!  
Instead of focusing on the negative I thought I would give you some positives about this past year, and some things I learned.


1. Most obviously is that I am still down 20lbs and have maintained that for some time now.
2. I'm more comfortable in the gym and I really know what I'm doing (my eating is what I have to                  figure out) and how to get the most out of my workout.
3. I'm many inches smaller.  I wish I had measured those inches in the beginning, but I didn't so I don't know the exact number. Plus I'm down 2 pants sizes.
4. I've toned my arms quite a bit, and that I am proud of.
5.  I can lift more then some of the boys at the gym.
6.  I'm running sprints...despite my shin splints.
7.  I have found that I love going to the gym with Josh!
8.  I have more confidence.


I'm sure when I'm done writing this I will think of more things that I could have added to my list.  Now on to my goals for this next year in my life.  My main goal of course is to get back on track and finally get the rest of this weight off.  One thing that is becoming a really be drive for me is that I want to be a personal trainer and to do that I want to be in the best shape possible.  Another goal of mine is to start running some races.  like everyone else I'm sure I'll start out in some 5Ks and move to harder ones from there.  I'm also going to schedule a Dr. appointment to get some blood work done so maybe I can get some answers as to why I have to eat  fewer calories then what is recommended to loose weight. 


So there is my update!  I hope that you will join me in the fight to get healthy this year!

A long overdue update

I hate when I take forever to update because then I want to go on and on about everything over the last few months, but I don't want to be boring so I'll try to just go over a few things.

First off I'm currently 25lbs down.  I won second place in the contest I did and I got 4 six flags tickets! I got off track for about two months after the contest and gained back 7 lbs.  I have now lost 5 of those 7 in the last week.  It feels good to be eating right again.  I never stopped working out I just lost control of how I was eating.  I got this little calorie counter app on my phone that lets me put in what a ate and how many calories it was.  It's really simple and easy to use.  I like it because I don't have to look up my food in it's database to add it, it's more like what I would use if I were just writing down my food daily.  I do have another app that helps me when I eat out and such.  Gotta love those apps! 

I'm still training with Missy, I have four more weeks :(  I will be so sad when it's over.  However Josh will become my new trainer so I'm excited about that.  We have so much fun going to the gym together. I'm loving the gym more than ever! The kids hate it though...or at least they say they do.  I have to remind them that if they want me around for a long time then I have to be healthy.  

I still have such a long ways to go and some days it seems impossible, but then I have a week like this last one where I loose 5lbs and I know I can get there.  I'm still hoping to be in my weight range by Dec. 15th and at my personal goal by summer of next year.  I have 45lbs to go and about 21 weeks so that averages out to be 2.14lbs per week.  So it is still a very possible goal to get there.  

I have also rekindled my love of running.  I however have also rekindled shin splints, but I'm running anyways.  Running clears my head and gives me a new perspective on things that are bothering or worrying me.  I run outside, I loath the treadmill, so I also get that time to reflect on God and the wonderful world that He has made.  I think I'm more level headed when I run, I also think I have more patience.

So there is my quick update on my progress.  I look forward to school starting back so that maybe I can get in more of a routine and then maybe I can be better about updating this thing! 

Amy :)

Spinal Tap

Yesterday I had to have a Spinal Tap to see why my right optical nerve is swollen.  The Dr. thinks that I have something called a pseudo tumor, which basically means when they look into my eyes it looks like I have a tumor  but in reality there is nothing there. This can be caused by many things: to much pressure in my head, MS, ect...  Hopefully it is just the pressure which I can take pills for and it will all be fixed.  If I don't fix it I could eventually loose my vision in my right eye. So needless to say I want this to be fixed.  Who knew that routine eye exams could be so vital to your health and not just a matter of needing or not needing glasses!  So anyways I had the spinal tap which was so not as bad as I had worried, and I couldn't go to the gym.  Got on the scale this morning  and I was up a pound.  WHAT!?!  Just one day of not doing perfect and missing the gym and I gain a pound, how frustrating is that!  


So today I went to work and was feeling some pain in my hip, not sure if it is from the morphine shot (that hurt worse that the spinal tap) or if it is from where he hit a nerve while doing the spinal tap.  Anyway it seemed to get worse as the day went on so I was beginning to really worry that the gym would be a no go again for today.  I cam home from work and took Ibuprofen and lay down while Josh grilled out. I got up to eat and realized that I felt better even though I still had some minor pain.  So we broke the boys hearts(they hate the gym) and headed to the gym.  I got in 1 hour on the elliptical and did some abs also.


I tell all of this because I'm very proud of myself for going!  After gaining a pound and hurting it would have been easy to just stay home, and 4 weeks ago I would have done just that!  But I'm not giving up this time, I know if I keep on keeping on that this weight will come off of me eventually!  So that's my motto for this week:  When things get tough just keep on keeping on!!!

4 weeks and 14 pounds later!

When I weigh Monday it will officially be 4 weeks since I started (I mean really started) this journey, and so far I am down 14 lbs!  I get a little frustrated because I'm impatient and I want to loose faster then I am!  Right now I'm averaging almost 3 lbs a week, so if I were to continue at this rate I would be at my goal weight in 23 more weeks which would make me healthy by 30, so I just try to keep that in mind!  I know that I'm working hard and I'm staying within my calorie range about 98% of the time.   I know that I'm making big changes in the way I exercise, eat, and think!  Today when we went out for lunch I noticed that I don't even look at the whole menu anymore, I go strait to the healthy foods that are usually highlighted or have an icon beside them. I'm also not scared to ask the waiter to have them make something a little different so that it fits more within my calories!  When we had some yummy cookies at work the other day I looked at the calories and decided they just were not worth starving later on in the day for.  I know that I am a work in progress and always will be and I'm just trying to keep on moving forward no matter how hard the journey gets or will get.  I thought I would include a list of some of the things that I  like about losing weight, exercising, and the gym in general!


Things that I like


1.  Josh and I have a new something in common.  We could talk about diet, supplements, protein, the gym, ect... all day long!  I love that when he goes on Saturdays that I go with him now and don't just sleep in.  He is also my number one fan!


2.  Missy , my personal trainer!  She is truly helping me get my life back together!


3.  I still don't have a great body image but it's getting better!


4.  I have more energy!  Today we went swimming, then I went to the gym and then came home and then we all went on a walk!


5. I have more confidence when in the gym!  I used to be so worried that everyone was laughing at me or making fun of me.  I have realized that is probably not true and even if it were I don't really care!


6. I feel stronger.  I have always considered myself a pretty weak person, even though I toted three huge babies around.  But each week I can see an improvement in what I'm lifting at the gym and my form!  Plus I can see that my ares are looking better!


I'm sure that as I lay in bed tonight that I will think of many more, but you get the jest of it!  I'm learning so much about myself through this process!  There are days when it is so hard to just make myself make it to the gym or to eat right and then there are days that it's like second nature and I don't even have to think about it!  I can't wait to hit my first goal, which is 20 lbs lost, but I know that everything takes time, especially weight loss.  If it were easy then everybody would do it!

12 week Challenge

It's been a while since I have updated and I have to admit that I have totally failed at this weight loss thing.  However, the one good thing about trying to loose weight is that you can pick up and start over again at anytime.  So that is what I'm doing, starting over!
24/7 announced at the beginning of the year that they would be doing a 12 week challenge with the grand prize being a dream Vaca. for two, so I was like "I'm in".  The only initial downside was that we had to wait about 3 weeks to weigh in and start.  Well I'm no fool and I know that eventually you are gonna it a plateau so it seemed silly to start(and loose wight that wouldn't count in the "game") before the weigh in and risk hitting that plateau in the middle of the contest.  So I have waited three weeks to get started and today was the big day.  I went in a weight...NOT GOOD, I weight +2 lbs then my starting weight back in Dec.!!!  So NOT GOOD!  oh, well it's a new day!
One of the advantages of this challenge is that we could get a Personal Trainer for dirt cheap.  So I asked the guy for a woman, but I needed her to be tough and to push me!  So he gave me a Cop!!!  I met her today and it's fair to say she kicked my butt!  It's also fair to say that while I was hurting beyond belief that I was also loving it!  I told Josh the other day that I hope I'm so sore that I can't sit to pee, LOL and I pretty much think that will be the case.  I think she is just what I need to finally get me going and help me to finally loose this weight, even if I don't win the contest!  I know I won't be to my goal in 12 weeks, but I hope to have the tools to help me get to that goal and I know that I will be closer to that goal!

Getting back on track

  I would love to start this post out saying that I have done so good over the holidays and that I have lost weight or even that I have maintained, but sadly that just isn't the case :(   So here is what has happened since I last posted. 
   First off we moved back to my parents house after we realized that our Land Lord is no longer paying the house bill and that foreclosure on the house is within a couple of months at best.  I said when I started this blog that I am a stress eater, and well moving back in with my parents is pretty stressful.  Not that I have bad parents or anything but who wants to move back in with your parents after living out on your own for 10 or more years (love ya Mom)?  Plus the pantry is so full, and I have a hard time having will power.  
  Second, while I have faith in the new WW program I have to say that it threw me for a loop!  I had only been on the diet for 2 or 3 weeks before they changed it up on me and I kind of just gave up!
Third, Christmas!  Need I say more! The food that was thrown in my face was just unreal!  I don't think I want to see any ham, turkey or stuffing for at least 11 months!
  So tomorrow is the day of truth!  How bad have I actually done?  I know that if I want to that I have a   pass for a no way in day, but I also know that I won't get on track until I weigh in and face the truth of what I have done over almost a month!  I dread it, to say the least, but it's necessary to get back on track!  I celebrated my 29th birthday on the 15th, so the countdown to 30 has begun and I am determined to get back on track and have all of this weight off by that ever elusive 30th birthday!

The New Weight Watchers Plan!

I know that I have not posted in a while but things have been crazy around my house with us getting ready to move.  We hope to be finally moved in about a week from now.  It's been an emotional roller coaster for me so I have been really trying to not over eat. Not sure when I became an emotional eater, but a few years ago I figured out that I am one.  


So I don't think I posted my second weigh in so I weighed in the week before Thanksgiving and I had lost 2 pound for a total of 5.2 lbs!  Not bad for two weeks on this plan!  I knew that I wouldn't be able to weigh in the week of Thanksgiving so I have to admit that I didn't stress what I was eating very much.  Then the next week I new that we would be starting a new plan at Weight Watchers so I reasoned in my head that I shouldn't worry to much about what I was eating for that week either.  So this past Thursday (Dec. 2) I go into weight watcher convinced that after two weeks of not following any plan that I had probably gained at least my 5 lbs back.  So I was pleasantly surprised when I had only gained .8 pounds, not even a whole pound!!!  


I also must admit that I haven't been doing much of my positive thinking lately either.  I have found that when I'm working the plan and exercising like I should it's much easier to think positive about myself.  Even though the results of this hard work are not instant (oh how I wish they would be) I even feel better about how I look and myself in general when I'm doing what I should be doing.


Now on to the new Weight Watchers Points Plus Plan.  I wasn't sure how I would feel about this new plan but I have to say that so far I like it pretty good.  After weigh in I got a few of the basic tools that I would need.  Because the points are now figured up differently I need to buy a new dining out guide (worth every penny) and a new complete food companion (I can do or do without this one).  The one thing that I bought that I had never bought before was a points calculator.  On this new program you need this little calculator, that looks amazingly like the birth control pill compact, because you can't use the slider anymore to figure up your points.  One bad thing about this is that in January the calculator will go up to 12.99 so just to join and get the essentials it will coast someone about $40 to get started, which I think is a little steep!  You can upload the calculator app to your smart phone, but I don't have a smart phone so I had to get the calculator.  Anyways, The old system went on Calories, fat and fiber.  The new system is protein, fat, fiber, and carbs.  I do have to commend WW with keeping up with new research and what seems to be the best weight loss solution.  The new system goes with the idea that while two foods might have the same amount of calories, that doesn't mean they are created equally.  For example a lean piece of chicken and a half of a muffin might have the same calories but of course the chicken is better for you and will keep you full longer.  So used to they might would be the same points value but now that half muffin will be more points which will encourage you to eat the chicken instead!  Hope that make since!?! Everyone who had tried the new plan seems to love it and so far I am with them.  Some foods went up in points but I also get a few more points on this plan so it kind of evens out.  The best part of the new plan is that fruits no longer have a points, they are all free!  


I hope this blog hasn't been to long and boring, I had a lot of catching up to do!


Amy

Weigh in

So my weigh in was yesterday evening and by the time we got home I was just plain to tired to update. I went and weighed in at around 5:30 last night.  Throughout the day I made a concise decision to not starve myself even though weigh in was fast approaching.  Usually us weight watcher eat very little throughout the day, but I figured if I don't start that now then I will never have to worry about it as long as I don't go crazy and gorge myself.  After all I'm doing this to get healthy and starving myself and dehydrating myself for a full day would not be what I would call healthy.  So I drank my water too!  I'm really bad about forgetting to drink water so I bought bottled water and for some reason I drink much more when it's bottled water.  Anyways, so I weighed in and I lost 3.2lbs!  I was really hoping for a five, but I wasn't really disappointed with my number. I did really well keeping up with my points and tracking my food.  The one thing that I did different then I have ever done before was that instead of eating all of my extra points through the weekend I used a little each day.  I'm not sure if this made any difference or not.  I did really well on my positive thinking and talking.  I haven't said one bad thing about myself in a full week.  I don't think I ever realized how down on myself I was until I had to stop myself from saying all of those things at least a couple hundred times.  So this week I'm going to keep my positive thinking and talking as one of my goals but I'm going to add in another goal.  I've had a bad infection over the last two weeks that has stopped me from going to the gym and now that my infection is finally gone I can go back!  So this week I also commit to making it to the gym and at least 3 times.  I want to say more, but as soon as I say 5 days one of my kids will get sick and blow the whole thing, so 3 times allows some wiggle(or sick child) room.  I feel so committed this time it's unreal, I can honestly say that I'm ready to be done with this extra weight for good!  I'm ready to see what I can do this next week!  Thanks for reading!! :)

The beginning

So today was it, the moment of truth, the day of reckoning, the day I come to terms with my weight and what I have done to my body. At 5:48p.m. I walked into Weight Watchers and weighed.  I haven't weighed in for almost a year.  I know that WW is the plan for me and I know that I can loose weight on it, because I have done it before.  So I take my cute little black shoes off (who wants those extra ounces?) and step onto the scale and there it is 230.06 lbs!  I can't believe it, how did I let this happen?  I know that I have been miserable in my own body for some time now, but 230lbs miserable?  So I walk out and go to eat my last meal where points don't matter and I'm already looking for things that I can eat that won't hurt my plan.  I want to make a true change this time, one that will stick with me, one that will make my life happier, healthier, and easier!  I want to really feel better about myself.  I'm tired of being in a crowd and not feeling worthy because of how I look.  I'm tired of walking my my husband and feeling ashamed for him that he has "this" as a wife.  I'm tired of going to stores and thinking "someday I will wear this".  That "someday" has extended over three years and I'm DONE!  By December 15th, 2011 I will be able to say that "someday" has turned into "now"!  So here I am with my little WW book, points tracker and gym membership trying to devise my plan.  Each Thursday night I will post my weight, and I will have a new goal for my next week.  My goal will not always be a number on the scale, I have more to accomplish than just a number. I will also  I will try to post a new picture every 10 or so pounds so that my progress can be seen.  So here is my weight for Nov 04, 2010 is 230.06 lb. and my goal is positive thinking.  I have spent to many years hating myself and taking every opportunity to cut my self down whether to my self or out loud.  So far today I haven't said one hateful word about myself, I have thought them but I have quickly tried to change my negative thinking into positive thinking.  I'm sure my husband will be happy about this goal , because he truly can't stand how negative I am about myself.   So here it is my weight loss journey has begun, and this time I will succeed!

Amy